Somewhere along my calligraphy journey, I realised that I don’t like being referred to as a “beginner”, eventhough in many senses I kinda was… am.
The thing is I am so eager to be the master I’m convinced I’ll be that I can’t wait to be rid of that label. This is very much contrary to my obsession of collecting informations that are aimed for, well, “beginners”, because I expect them to be easy.
I think my insecurity is such, that I become irritated when anyone refers to me as a beginner. It’s as if they’re high up on the ‘expert’ level, looking down on little me. I feel that I am about to become a flower, but everyone keeps putting me in a ‘seed’ box (What if I never grow?). I’m also scared if anyone finds out where I am on the learning curve, they will start telling me how to learn, pulling me in directions and doubting myself.
Now I’ve learned a little bit more, and of course, I begin to discover that there is even more to learn, and then some. Rationally, I should know that I am still a beginner, but apparently, I’ve yet to be humbled down. I do realise that I even use the phrase myself, so forgive me if I offended you.